I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
