Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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