I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
