He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
