Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize