Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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