Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
