well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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