I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
wow bdsm is so cute
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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