you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
