Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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