So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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