Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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