Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
