and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
