Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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