people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
