finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
