Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
