Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
