that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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