i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
