I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
