I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
