I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
