My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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