Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
