He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
