Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
