mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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