planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
