dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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