New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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