Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
