How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize