If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize