I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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