last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
