I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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