um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
