Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
