hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
operation have a gay friend backfired
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
