did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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