theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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