I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
