i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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