When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
