4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
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