Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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