don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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