Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Dicks are not precious.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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