***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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