Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Your penis caused this!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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