oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
