tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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