Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
