yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
high people should be assigned attendants
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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