I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
