he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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