I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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