Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
