My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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