if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
