I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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