it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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