I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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