I think my fart just growled at me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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