Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
