she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
