There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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