she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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