At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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