just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
