dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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