So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
